Building Self-Confidence For Dummies®

by Kate Burton and Brinley N Platts

Building Self-Confidence For Dummies®

Published by
John Wiley & Sons, Ltd
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Chichester
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Copyright © 2006 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, England

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex

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British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN-13: 978-0-470-01669-5

ISBN-10: 0-470-01669-8

Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International, Padstow, Cornwall

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

About the Authors

Kate Burton is an independent executive coach, author, and trainer who enables individuals and organisations to focus their energy with confidence. She is co-author of the best selling Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies with Romilla Ready. Her business career began in corporate advertising and marketing with Hewlett-Packard. Since then she has worked with varied businesses across industries and cultures on how they can be great and confident communicators. What she loves most is delivering custom-built coaching and training programmes. She thrives on supporting people in boosting their motivation, self-awareness, and confidence. Her belief is that people all have unique talents, abilities, and core values. The skill is about honouring them to the full.

Brinley N Platts is a leading executive coach, researcher, and consultant to FTSE 100 companies. He is one of the UK’s leading authorities on CIO and IT executive careers and works with international companies on the integration of senior executive life and career goals. He is a behavioural scientist by training, and his passion is to enable large organisations to become places where ordinary decent people can grow and express their talents freely to the benefit of all stakeholders. He is a co-founder of the Bring YourSELF To Work campaign, which aims to release the pent-up talent and passion of today’s global workforce to create the better world we all desire and want our children to inherit.

Authors’ Acknowledgments

From Kate: The seeds for this book were sown long ago, so I’d like to acknowledge my teachers who got me curious about this elusive concept of confidence and Margaret who asked the powerful question I wanted to answer: ‘So where do you keep your confidence?’

Writing another book is like having another baby. It seems like a great idea until you are giving birth and then a joy when it’s safely delivered. My special thanks go to my writing partner Brinley who adopted this concept with me. To all my family and friends I appreciate your continual love and support. Bob – you’re a star.

To my clients, colleagues and coaches, thank you for the stories, inspiration and support. To Dan, Kathleen, Sam, and Jason plus all at Wiley, thank you for your cool, calm confidence over the hurdles.

Now it’s over to you the reader to make this book really work for you. Please take the baby now and run with it!

From Brinley: After a long and relatively conventional business career it is an amazing thing to reconnect with the passions and drivers of my youth and find them all as fresh as they were in the 1970s and bursting for their opportunity to be fully expressed in the world. This has been my experience over the last 4–5 years and I am grateful to everyone who has played a part in my awakening.

My mission now is to be an awakener to anyone who feels there should be the opportunity for a full and rich life that integrates home and work and which doesn’t ‘cost the earth’.

My special thanks go to Kate for this opportunity to work with her, the Wiley publishing team, and to my wife Nicola, mother of our two young children. I also want to acknowledge my older children Loretta and Oliver for their wonderful inspiration and love over the last 20 years, and to my parents who raised me to think for myself.

I encourage you, the reader, to take on your work in the world with a renewed confidence and sense of purpose. The world is changing and it needs to change further and faster. With your commitment we can make it happen.

Publisher’s Acknowledgments

We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registration form located at www.dummies.com/register/.

Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:

Acquisitions, Editorial, and Media Development

Project Editor: Daniel Mersey

Commissioning Editor: Samantha Clapp

Content Editor: Simon Bell

Copy Editor: Sally Lansdell

Proofreader: Sue Gilad

Technical Editor: Brenda Pugh, Achieve Greatness

Executive Editor: Jason Dunne

Executive Project Editor: Amie Jackowski Tibble

Cover Photos: © Aflo Foto Agency / Alamy

Cartoons: Rich Tennant, www.the5thwave.com

Composition Services

Project Coordinator: Maridee Ennis

Layout and Graphics: Karl Brandt, Carl Byers, Andrea Dahl, Mary J. Gillot, Lauren Goddard, Stephanie D. Jumper, Barry Offringa, Julie Trippetti

Proofreaders: Susan Moritz, Brian H. Walls

Indexer: TECHBOOKS Production Services

Publishing and Editorial for Consumer Dummies

Diane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer Dummies

Joyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director, Consumer Dummies

Kristin A. Cocks, Product Development Director, Consumer Dummies

Michael Spring, Vice President and Publisher, Travel

Kelly Regan, Editorial Director, Travel

Publishing for Technology Dummies

Andy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General User

Composition Services

Gerry Fahey, Vice President of Production Services

Debbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services

Contents

Title

Introduction

About This Book

Conventions Used in This Book

What You’re Not to Read

Foolish Assumptions

How This Book Is Organised

Icons Used in This Book

Where to Go from Here

Part I : Considering the Basics

Chapter 1: Assessing Your Confidence

Defining Confidence

Determining Where You Stand Now

Recognising Your Strengths

Picturing the Life You’d Like to Lead

Preparing for Action

Chapter 2: Identifying Your Sticking Points

Digging Down to Root Issues

Cleaning Out the Negatives

Discovering What Drains Your Batteries

Chapter 3: Charting Your Course Ahead

Knowing Where You Want to Go

Choosing Role Models

Part II : Gathering the Elements

Chapter 4: Finding Your Motivation

Driving Forward in Your Life

Taking Charge at Work

Chapter 5: Sticking to Your Principles

Understanding Your Values

Living Your Values Every Day

Living Authentically

Chapter 6: Making Friends with Your Emotions

Getting a Grip on Your Emotions

Tracking Your Moods

Trusting Your Intuition

Harnessing Your Darker Emotions

Chapter 7: Unleashing Your Passion

Discovering Your Passionate Self

Putting Your Passion into Action

Part III : Building Your Confident Self

Chapter 8: Using What You Already Know

Accentuating Your Positives

Managing Your Fears

Chapter 9: Moving beyond Perfection

Letting Go of Unreal Expectations

Being Generous to Yourself First

Overcoming Procrastination

Taking Time Off – for You

Generating Realistic Standards of Behaviour

Chapter 10: Stretching Yourself Mentally

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

Driving Safely in the Fast Lane

Attracting More of What You Want

Feeling Your Power

Chapter 11: Developing Your Physical Confidence

Connecting Your Mind and Body

Considering What Makes You Healthy

Looking Forward to Your Healthy Future Self

Part IV : Communicating Your Confidence

Chapter 12: Raising Your Voice

Speaking Out with Confidence

Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say

Recognising that the Message Is More than Words

Chapter 13: Looking the Part

Being Judged by Appearances

Finding Your Own Style

Chapter 14: Acting with Confidence in Your Daily Life

Dealing with Resistance to the New, Confident You

Reinforcing the Assertive You

Living Powerfully

Part V : Engaging Others

Chapter 15: Demonstrating Confidence in the Workplace

Developing Confidence in Your Professional Life

Becoming Assertive

Showing Confidence in Specific Work Situations

Managing Your Boss

Casting Off Your Cloak of Invisibility

Dealing Confidently with Corporate Change

Chapter 16: Approaching Romantic Relationships with Confidence

Relating with Romance

Realising What Really Matters

Looking at Relationships with Open Eyes

Eliciting Your Love Strategy

Facing Up to Changing Relationships

Chapter 17: Raising Confident Children

Securing the Foundations

Helping Children Develop Curiosity

Championing Your Children

Accepting the Differences Between You

Part VI : The Part of Tens

Chapter 18: Ten Great Questions to Spur You into Action

How Does Your Inner Voice Speak to You?

Are You Proud of Your Name?

Who Do You Hang Out With?

What’s Your Confident Thought for the Day?

Where Are the Tensions in Your Life?

What’s Your Sticking Point?

Who Are You Going to Be When You Grow Up?

How Do You Experience Failures and Mistakes?

How Do You Balance Time Alone and Time with Others?

What’s Your 120 per cent Dream?

Chapter 19: Ten Daily Habits to Raise Your Confidence

Start Each Day Alert and Ready for Action

Concentrate Your Mind on the Page

Put Your Best Sunglasses On

Track Your Moods and Emotions

Exercise Your Body

Take Quiet Moments Alone

Go Outside and Wonder at the Beauty of the Sky

Operate from a Position of Generosity

Review Today and Create Your Tomorrow

Connect with Your Life Purpose

Chapter 20: Ten Keys to Effective Affirmations

Building from the Right Structure

Using Affirmations Every Day

Appendix: Resource List

Contact the Authors

Books

Training and Coaching Web Sites

Professional Bodies

: Further Reading

Introduction

C onfidence is one of those odd things in life that turn out to be surprisingly difficult to tie down (beauty and quality belong to this strange group too). You may think you know what it is, and you may feel certain that you can recognise it when you see it, but you may struggle to define exactly what ‘it’ is. Confidence is an everyday experience, something you have quite often, except on those all important occasions when it seems to leave you and you could really use more of it – whatever ‘it’ is.

In this book, you can clear up the confusion around confidence, and particularly what you may refer to as self-confidence. You dispel a lot of the mystique around how you can develop and build your self-confidence; perhaps to an extent you feared would never be possible for you.

Every chapter of this book is designed to help you understand: where your personal confidence comes from, how you can generate an incredibly powerful type of confidence in your life on demand, and how you can do it more reliably with less stress. You will make the fastest progress by immediately putting what you learn into action, by trying out the advice and exercises as you go along, and achieving the deep and lasting personal confidence you were born to enjoy.

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!

Lesen Sie weiter in der vollständigen Ausgabe!